Trinity Evangelical Free Church

Adultery

"WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER"

VI. Difficult Things Jesus Said

Text: Matthew 19:1-12

Introduction:

A cartoon in my Leadership depicts a pastor showing off a sanctuary to a fellow clergyman. "The acoustics are horrible," says the first pastor, "but that way if I say anything controversial no one can be exactly sure what I said." This morning, I can empathize with those sentiments because we have arrived at a most difficult saying of Jesus. I wish, as I have seldom wished before, not to misspeak. If I do, I pray that the Holy Spirit, or perhaps Brian/John at our sound desk, will scramble my words so that you will not be certain of what I said.

• It is a most difficult word on many accounts:

• It is a abstinence word in a indulgent world .

• It is a penetrating word violating our private way-wardness..

• It is a absolute word in a culture which prefers moral jello.

• It is a hard word because so many have been hurt & wounded.

• It is a difficult... seems so ideal... and well, life just isn't that way. Is it?

Even the disciples struggled with this word and said, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."(v.10) And Jesus, rather than saying, "No, you're mistaken. It's still better to marry," said, "Not everyone can accept this word...the one who can accept this, should accept it."(v.11f.)

I. A Public Test is Administered to Jesus (v. 3).

Once again they had him under the microscope. This time, however, was not to discredit him as the Messiah but it reflected a deep rift within the religious leaders of Judaism over a most sensitive issue: Divorce and remarriage.

A. Text:

Deuteronomy 24:1 "If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce..." Here Moses allowed for divorce... required a certificate be given to the wife (a practice of Egyptians perhaps) and required that the 1st husband must not "retake" this wife after she has become the wife of another(neither by div/dth). This was intended to curb frivolous divorces leading to the abuse of women and the demise of their society.

B. Schools of Thought (2 Rabbis):

Focused on "something indecent". "Shammai the Strict" - Only for porneia (porneia) = sexual intercourse w/ any other man, including adultery (moiceia), (Note: "Adultery" for a Jewish man = above w/ a married or betrothed woman. Husb.'s porneia may not = adultery.) Demonstrate: h1 + w1, h2 + w2, s1... combinations (wife = property). Some in the school of Shammai interpreted this somewhat less restrictive, as sexual activity short of intercourse (porneia), which in the case of women had been punishable by death under Jewish law and prior to the Romans restricting Jews from carrying out any capital punishment.

C. "Hillel the Liberal":

"something indecent" = virtually anything. And you thought "no fault divorce" was new w/ this century! (Was a time in this country...one had to prove adultery to get a divorce.) "Jesus, which school of thought do you line up w/?" People are always trying to ge Jesus & his Father on their side..vs. being on his side. Are you conserv./liber?... rt./left?... Reb/Dem?... MCCL/MCLU? (That 1I ....know!) Whose side are you on, Jesus?

II. A Prior Word is Appealed to by Jesus.(vv. 4-6).

If you're ... > history ... then...way back... the beginning. God's design for happiness in marriage = 1 man and 1 woman.(Get that..? Other words for 2 men or 2 women living in sexual intimacy... but not "marriage" unless re-write the dictionary.

B. v.6 - to be joined together by God.

(Some sexual interc. in which God is not the "mover"/"joiner"...still a "one flesh union happens, cf. 1Cor.6:16) Simple marriage ceremonies from the earliest of Jewish days...always acknowledging God's work. Aside: "We're living together. Aren't we married in God's eyes?" Not exactly...Jn.4 (esp. vv.16-18) "He told her, 'Go, call your husband and come back.' 'I have no husband,' she replied. Jesus said to her, 'You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had 5 husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband." Marital happiness hinges upon this sacred commitment. "God has joined us together. We will not violate that trust." With such a commitment to obey God and to love each other, come what may, you will be blessed and your love may grow deeply beyond your own imagination. God intended it that way, for your joy, from the beginning.

A. Response:

v. 7..."command" >v. 8 (correction, "permitted") Moses allowed for civil divorces...hardness of heart. The situation: Divorced women were unable to remarry w/out a written certificate (fear of first husband re-claiming her.) If porneia > stoning or send out w/out certificate...and reduc. to begging or prostit. or family. If something uncertain... >divorced, req. certif. and therefore the ability to remarry. Assumed husband would remarry. In N.T., w/out civil rt. of execution, porneia > divorce(Eg. Mary). Main probl. probl. = Hillel's liberal thinking most influential and many divorces for many reasons, including failure to produce a male heir, (which we now know >hus.). The "escape clause" > "no fault clause". Under Roman law, a Jewish wife also had the rt. to divorce her husband (cf. Mark 10), neverthless rare, due to econ. vulneralbility. (Things haven't changed... fastest growing poverty class = single moms.

B. Jesus all but shut up the escape clause... strictest Shammite....... 1 reason.

Porneia = sexual intercourse w/ someone other than your husband/wife, single or married(same for husband and wife, vs. Jewish tradition). In another place (Mt. 5:28) J:.. lust = adultrey in the heart. This not porneia... carnal intercrs. Today "affair"... broadly defined...

C. Jesus went beyond the strictest Shammite when you factor in His teaching on forgiveness.

Applied to this situation: when forgiveness for anything from flirting to fornication(porneia) is sought with a repentant heart the spouse's response, like God's, is to forgive and w/ divine forgiveness there is not ground for divorce. (Interesting...forgivness passage immed. preceeds this one...last week.)

1. But is the repentance genuine?(Spouse = judgement)
   1. Godly sorrow?(2 Cor. 7:10)
   2. Change in behavior(John 8:11)
   3. Confession to a confidant besides your spouse(Js. 5:16)
   4. Renew your marriage vow(no need otherwise).
   5. Get into an accountability relationship.

D. The Apostle Paul clarified Jesus' exception by acknowledging abandonment as another case where a divorce is permitted, espec. by an unbelieving spouse .

(1 Cor. 7:15 "But if the unbeliever leave let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances;God has called us to live in peace.") The ground for this exception must be assumed porneia.

E. The reasons for this absolutely strict regulation upon marriage and divorce are many.

1. Relationships are built on trust. Most satisf. > most trusting. Spouses who commit porneia destroy that trust and it will never be what it could have been. Some of you know too well the truth of my words, the pain of not being able to trust your spouse. (Time to lighten a bit? cartoon of woman standing over grave of her husband. "At least now I know where you are.") The greatest marital joy is held for those who will...
2. The Christian marriage relationship is the best way to raise kids .Divorce is a ocean of hurt and kids swim about in it looking for a raft. I could site all kinds of egs. & studies, but let me just say this instead. The answer to the question, "Should we stay together just for the kids sake?" is almost always, "Yes!" Some of you...
3. The Christian marriage and home provides a picture of Christ's relationship to his church. Ephesians 5:22-32. Perhaps our witness of greatest potential in the days ahead....

In short...for your personal joy..for your kids..for the witness of the church. It takes two.

F. Closing Applications:

1. Flirting, pronographic lit/videos fire...burn. lust as wrong in marriage as w/out
2. You can be forgiven. And given the fact that God has forgiven each of us more than we could ever forgive another, forgive.
3. With the past behind you, the man or woman you are now married to, is the one God wants you to grow old with.
4. God will meet your every need. Look to him.

IV. Conclusion:

I conclude with two pictures and a song.

• In LasVegas, Nevada a young mother of three, is in her bedroom packing her bags, over the pleas of her husband and children, begging her not to go. It's a case of Internet romance headed for adultery. Watch out for that "chat line".

• The second picture is set in a cemetary where stands the solitary figure of an old man. He's talking to his beloved wife, recently buried there. He's saying, "O honey, I'm so glad you could go first. It's so lonely in this world without you."

• A few years ago Randy Travis popularized a song which, in part runs like this, "As long as old men sit and talk about the weather; As long as old women sit and talk about old men. I'm going to love you forever and ever, Forever and ever, Amen.

© 2003 Donald D. Reigstad